Sergeant Dunbar and the only tuna pasta that's worth a damn

Sergeant Lex Dunbar understands your life is emptier than an Easter egg mistaken for a Kinder Surprise. He knows you work at the same goddamn job every goddamn day and that couch in front of your TV is perfectly moulded to your ass. You make yourself sick and worse you make him sick.

Sgt. LD is going to change you from Larry Marshmallow to a Jake Ironside. First things first - that belt you've punched three extra holes in since you bought it has to be tightened. That's right money must be saved. So quit cramming your face with luxury pie - it's kibble from now on. Or why not try this quick, cheap and delicious recipe called Smoker's Delight (or the only tuna pasta that's worth a damn):

Smoker's Delight*

The only tuna pasta that's worth a damn

* Smoker's delight is called so because of it's intense flavor. It is said that even smokers who have long since lost their taste and sense of smell are able to experience these senses again when eating this meal.

Ingredients:

Serves 4 pathetic maggots

• 300g tin of tuna - anything less than Sirena - you may as well be stuffing your face with dirt
• 3 cloves of garlic
• handful of parsely - continental or flat leaf? what the hell kind of question is that?
• 250g worth of pasta - spirals work the best but you probably like the itty bitty bow ties like your mamma used to make you wear.
• 1 lemon
• handful of walnuts
• 2 chillies
• Tablespoon of olive oil
• parmesan
• A shitload of salt and pepper

Directions

1. Boil water in a big pot and add a bit of salt
2. Cut the chillies and garlic with the biggest fucking knife you can find
3. Chuck the pasta in and set the timer - don't cook it for too long or the pasta will be limper than your biceps

4. Chop the parsley

5. Grate the parmesan cheese - does that makes your arms tired?

6. Heat up oil in a saucepan, throw in garlic till it goes translucent (see through you idiot) put in chillies and tuna - cook for a few minutes

7. Drain pasta and add tuna mixture, parsely and wallnuts

8. Squeeze lemon over the top

9. Add parmesan
10. Eat and sweat - that sweat is the weakness leaving your body

Recipe Courtesy of Alexi Grivas and his "Pasta" book.